🔸Author: Writebunny
🔸Title: Daddy's best friend
🔹Editors' Feedback:
The first sentence of the story fragment reveals the forbidden relationship between the hero and the heroine, which is one of the typical ways to strengthen the interest of the story. As the beginning of the story, this plot is full of tension and satisfies the reading needs of some readers.
However, the details of the story are not well developed and the characters' behavior lacks motivation, making the storyline not convincing enough. For example, what is the opportunity for this story to happen? So that the heroine, who has been in a friendly relationship with Shawn, cannot continue to repress her desires but clearly wants him.
The author could improve on this.
🔸Author: R.Y.E.
🔹Editors' Feedback:
This blurb contains information about the story that fits into the Age Gap part of Love & Disobey. The conflict in the story is revealed through the purposes of the different characters and ends with a question that sparks the reader's interest in the story's development.
It shows the twists and turns of the storyline, and if it is to be more effective, the writer still needs to be more concise in distilling the story's highlights. Reduce some unnecessary background to the story and focus the text on the most central, compelling plot points.